domingo, 5 de diciembre de 2010

The break up and the binges

I finally did it, I broke up with T....a 4 year relationship now is over.
It was awful when I told her, she wanted to kill herself, she was crying and so was I...Idk how to feel, I feel really sad, like a part of me is missing but I also feel relief.

Didn´t had much time to think cause I´ve been binging, purging, binging again and taking laxatives and diuretics. Tomorrow when I weight myself I´m going to want to kill myself...but the binging stops now! I think I did it out of guilt and to make myself feel even worst....
I already had like 1000 calories today and it´s 3 pm here. I pray the laxatives help a little with that.

I did realize I had made of T almoust my entire world, she was the main part of my social life and now I have to start from zero, wich scares me a little.
I won´t lie to you, this is pathetic but she was the main reason I haven´t killed myself. Now I only have losing weight and I will do it, I´ll get to 47/45 kg.
All my energy will be in losing weight and in having a social life again(I hope I can).

I feel lost...I feel...I don´t know how I feel...

I hope your weekend is going great!

EDIT: I ended bup taking 10 laxatives but they don´t seem to work...
And I wanted to leave my mail again, so if you want you can add me, I really need to talk to someone...

5 comentarios:

  1. I am so so sorry <3
    Binges that come out of guilt are awful and I know that. I am sorry about that as well. I really do hope that you will feel much better soon love.
    Hang in there

    ~ Meg

  2. I am so sorry you had to end your relationship with T. Its true what people say about not making someone your whole world because if you lose them you have nothing. Binges really do suck. But you can make get back on track. HUG! listen to me. You can't live for anyone else. You should live for you. Giving up, killing yourself, is just like giving in and letting your self get obese either way you are saying the fight isn't worth it. Social lives aren't hard to make get a pattern. Like pick things you like to do (and not just ana stuff) like yes go to the gym but also pick a day and go to the movies or a coffee shop or a park ect. and just do it consistently. People will talk to you and as long as you are somewhere you want to be you will have things in common.
    It will be ok.
    You can email me if you want.

  3. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day!

    I wish I had some words of wisdom to help. :(

  4. Remember, you are a beautiful person, inside and out. Whenever you feel like binging or purging, come on MSN and talk! I will always listen, Heartbreak is awful, but trust me when i say this, talking is the best cure xx

  5. Sorry you're feeling down. Think of now as a fresh start--the possibilities are limitless. Always remember you're beautiful. <3

    Thanks for the sweet comment on my vlog--you made my day! xoxo