lunes, 13 de diciembre de 2010

Don´t even bother in reading this

I´m a freakin monster...I haven´t posted because all I´ve been doing since Friday night is binging like the bitch that I am and taking too many sleeping pills.
62 kg today(I was 59,5 on Friday), weighting myself should have stopped me from eating like the cookie monster but it didn´t.....

I hope I had something positive to say...but the complete and honest truth is that all I want is to die...I want it so bad it hurts, I don´t know what to do to stop feeling this way...ideas?
As I can´t kill myself because of people, all I want is to stay home sleeping forever or until I drop 20 kg...

This past 6 years have been all the same, lose weight, gain weight, cut and wanting to die....will it ever stop? I´ve been to A LOT of therapysts but they can´t change how I feel and neither can what´s left? A life of surviving, of wanting to die and having to live.

Ok, STOP! Tomorrow is a new day and it might be better, I´ll bust my butt at the gym(I didn´t go today), go to therapy, wait for my "diet pills" and go buy another diet pills. This week I´ll do one of my favourite diet, the Apple diet, I don´t follow like it´s meant to, I just eat apples, 3 or 4 a day if I´m too hungry.

Sorry I haven´t commented on your beautiful blogs but I´ve been too down to do anything.
Tomorrow Í´ll catch up on the comments.
Hope you´re doing great like you deserve!

This is exactly how I want to look in that I better shut my mouth...!

5 comentarios:

  1. Ah lovely.
    Days like these are fucked. There's nothing anyone can really say to help. You gotta make things better for yourself. Try and find some beauty in something. Put on a playlist that makes you smile. Read: ... It's a quick cheap laugh.

    Have fun. Don't push yourself too hard. We only get one go at this life - gotta make it worthwhile.


  2. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down, we all have bad days and it's important to look to tomorrow. You're a great person and deserve happiness, it will come :) Hope you feel better soon
    Take Care

  3. Sounds like my weekend! So I know how you feel. All we can do is pick ourselves up and try again. It's tough, but each fall makes us stronger. <3

  4. Please never give in :( Your such an amazing person!! :) This is in the past now, you need to look to the future, and work on that :) You CAN change the future for whatever purpose you want it :) xx

  5. Hey I'm a new reader, but I just wanted to say, you can do it. Some days you just have to say, "fuck it." Other days, it's okay. It's hard but be encouraged, I love your blog.