lunes, 27 de diciembre de 2010

Fat, fat, fat

Hi lovelies! I hope you all had a great Chrismas!!

Honestly mine sucked. I binged on Chrismas Eve and been binging since then but it stops now(please please let it stop)!
I´m terrified of weighting myself, I know I´ve gained tons of weight =( reyhjtytjyiy
I´m so fat I don´t even want to go out or see anyone, I´m so ashamed...

My plans for this week are eating 300 cals or less and going to the gym for at least 2 hours everyday. But well, we know my plans don´t usualy work xD

I´ll tell you the truth, next month my mother and brother are leaving for a scout´s camp for 2 weeks and I was planning killing myself while they were away...I was dreaming about it all month but I can´t do that to them....and I hate them for that.
So now that I have to stay alive I don´t know what to do...
No, I don´t have to stay alive, I can for once in my life put myself first and finish everything and that´s what I´ll do. For once I´ll be selfish, for once I´ll do what´s best for me and not for others.

I´m really ashamed of this but I find myself being really jelaous of my friend who was in a coma because of all the weight she lost and because she hasn´t eaten in 2 weeks, how sick is that? I´m really worried about her but I can´t help her, I´ve really tried but she doesn´t want to get better...

Ok, I´ll stop rambling and thank you for all the comments =)


5 comentarios:

  1. I was binging as well :( that was sickish

    Stay strong,
    Caitlin xoxo

  2. Good luck with your plan and please be okay. I've been binging too, but there's always a new day.

  3. hey babygirl i know what you feel like. the loneliness is overwhelming. Although i can't say I know you very well, i def don't want you to kill yourself. I hope that you stay alive for yourself (not your mother or your brother). you seem like a wonderful person and you deserve a beautiful life even if it is laced with struggles and sadness. te quiero

  4. I've been binging non-stop for a week, but you're right--it stops now!! Don't weigh yourself just yet. Keep up with your plan first, and then do a weigh in. I feel like that always works best for me...

    I hope you don't kill yourself while your mother and brother are away! And you should put yourself first sometimes. That's not selfish at all--if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else, so naturally YOU should come first. <3


  5. Stay strong, banish those horrible thoughts from your head!! You don't need them. We have all binged, so we are all in the same situation, so never feel alone, you can lose again :) xx